20.08.2014

I love you, Mom
I love you, Dad
but I'm sorry that I'm not exactly being a good daughter
I've let you down AGAIN...
I'm trying...like so hard to be a better person...like by being strong and optimistic
but everytime, some little thing hits me, everything from my past come back as a big wave and drown me too deep
trying to swim back but so hard to breathe
I miss you...I really do and I dont even know what to do
I keep finding where I belong to...still dont know

I thought I made some friends at uni but the age gap...
they try,too but I'm just too different and I dont think they can relate to me
I still love them though...I love seeing them all happy and smile even though I cannot be like them

somedays are not too bad but some days are hard
sometimes, I just want to give up 'cause I think giving up is so much easier but I cant...just cant
if I did, I'd feel guity of letting you down for the rest of my life
I'd love to see you smile with pride and smile with you

but I do wish to have a simple life; where I can live like normal people, breathe like normal people ...where I don't have to be so strong and harden my heart
sometimes, I don't understand why it's okay for people to be mean towards me and all of a sudden, when I try to get them back...it becomes NOT OKAY...not fair huh

I'll try again...to be stronger
after wiping all these tears...